Q. Dude, what’s with the name, CaptiveNation(s)?

A.  Dude. Let me explain. Those born after, say, 1980 may not remember the term “Captive Nations.” Back in the good ol’ days (the second Reagan administration, circa 1986), the Soviet Union — that’s what Russia and the Ickystans used to be called — continued to belligerently occupy the three Baltic States. Although Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia are now blissfully headed toward membership in the European Union (which may or may not be a net plus), in those heady days the administration referred to them as Captive Nations. Looking at it cynically, the administration used this issue as a stick to regularly beat the Soviets over the head, but it also represented a distinctly principled view that these were proud, independent peoples who were entitled to a shot at self-determination. They were convergent goals for Ronnie & Co. — a twofer.

There are still Captive Nations . North Korea is being held captive by the Dear Leader. Cuba is (still) held captive by Fidel, 40-plus years of American foreign policy notwithstanding. Syria remains a captive of the Ba’athist Assad Dynasty who, incidentally, are also continuing to hold Lebanon captive. Saudi Arabia is being held captive by militant Islam — and the Saudis are to some extent holding Islam itself captive. Russians, once captors themselves, are now being held captive by robber-baron oligarchs and the endemic corruption wrought by 70 years of an ideology doomed to failure (that would be communism, kids — look it up in your textbook, under “dustbin of history”). The Colombians and Peruvians are being held captive by neo-Maoist wackos with guns, and the crypto-Maoists themselves, the Chinese, are still being held hostage by their own red, hardbound version of the dustbin rulebook. Pakistan is in the twin grip of both radical Islam and a military dictatorship, which the US government has reluctantly had to ally itself with to go after Usama bin Whatshisname. Old Europe is technically captive to its own self-righteousness and venality, but don’t tell them. And then there’s Iran.

Iran is this author’s term project. It’s a captivity smorgasbord. Part radical Islam, part terrorist sponsor, part proto-Soviet totalitarian dictatorship of bureaucracy, part oligarchy, part would-be colonial power, part cult of personality — there’s something there for everyone. Or no one. Here’s a country, after all, of more than 70 million, with a lion-sized share of the world’s oil and gas reserves, a proud and cultured history and a relatively educated population that’s been held captive by a bunch of religious extremists for 25 years and counting. And all they wanted to do was get rid of one rich guy whose name was Shaw, or something like that. By turns both silver-tongued and diplomatically inept, the theocratic dictatorship has nevertheless managed to pull the wool over the eyes of the international community for most of its history, promising reform while using its natural resources as an enticement to richer powers to ignore their moral compass. And ignore it they have, in droves. The large European states (Old Europe, as uncle Rummy says) and even our Asian allies have winked and nodded on human rights and self-determination to get on the gravy train of (relatively) cheap oil. And we have let them. So Iran is the archetype, the picture that should be next to the dictionary definition, the gold medalist in the Captive Nation Olympics. It takes win, place, and show in the 21st Century World Dictatorship Cup. And it gets three gold stars in the Sponsorship of Terrorism Bee. Did I neglect to mention they’ve been covertly enriching Uranium ?

Is America itself a Captive Nation? Perhaps, if one counts popular myopia about the world outside our borders as a form of captivity. While we’ve been watching Martha’s latest $15,000 handbag, or Kobe’s new courtroom gambit, or Howard Dean ’s primal screaming, or arguing over whether John Kerry had Botox (I know what I’m betting) or if W did one weekend a month or just worked on his tan, the following things have been going on:

- American soldiers (and Iraqis, let’s not forget) are dying; not because America is occupying Iraq, but because terrorists, some imported, are trying to usurp the mere possibility of self-determination from the Iraqi people;
- a national hero of Pakistan is admitting that he sold nuclear enrichment and possibly weapons design technology to nearly every rogue state except Andorra (okay, they’re not technically rogue, but A.Q. Khan definitely made the rounds);
- clerics are stealing the election in Iran by declaring that their opponents aren’t “Islamic enough” to be on the kangaroo-court ballot;
- a terrorist group (Hizballah) is negotiating with Israel (!) for the release of hundreds of their imprisoned colleagues;
- a cartel (that’s the polite word for a cabal of anti-capitalistic price-gougers) has been driving up world oil prices because profits were looking a bit thin; and
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is still Governor of California.

I admit that American Idol is probably easier on the conscience than the Syrian occupation of Lebanon, and Survivor is less of a tax on the brain than following OPEC plenary sessions. And, yes, one does need an escape from time to time (I’d like to say I escape by reading Kant in my spare moments, but that would be a lie — the Drudge Report or Fark.com would be closer to the truth). But all the time? The 24-hour Martha-Kobe-Donald-Ozzy-Paris-Jocko Car Chase Challenge Channel? Yeah, we’re Captives, too. As Pogo used to say, “we have met the enemy and he is us.”

This ‘blog is about that and more. And probably less.


(this post originally appeared in CaptiveNation(s) on 22 February 2004)



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